Epiphany

Epiphany.
While looking through http://shichijyuuni.com ‘s amazing blog, I found myself wondering why my life wasn’t as exciting as hers. Why wasn’t I as stylish? why couldn’t I keep up my blog so efficiently? With all these questions and more, I read on, jealous. I realised In that moment, that I do this a lot. I look at pictures and read stories of other peoples lives and wonder why my life isn’t as fun filled and romance riddled. I kept wondering what the hell was wrong with my life.
Then it hit me. I’ts me.
I’m what’s wrong with my life.
And no, I don’t mean this in a, ‘Oh gosh, I suck, my life sucks’ kind of way, I just mean that I stand in my own way. There is only one person who can give you the life you want and that’s you. I think I’d forgotten this somewhere along the way. Perhaps it was last year, when I took a bit of a tumble and must have dropped it somewhere. Maybe I just never bothered looking for it again.
I over analyze everything and make things so complicated in my head that I make myself dizzy.
I tell myself over and over again that I’m an underachiever, that I can’t do anything and I will never be as good as (Insert name here). So I scare myself out of doing things I want to, out of trying hard for things I really want.  It’s idiotic really.
I used to study hard and show dedication for things I loved, but in recently years I’ve forgotten how.  I really want to learn again.
These last six months of living in Japan have really stripped me bare, and have revealed the worst parts of myself to me, and while I don’t enjoy seeing these parts of myself, I think it is ultimately a good thing. As Albert Einstein once said ‘Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.’ and I believe this to be true.

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Oh, now I get it

So for a while I’ve been doing this horrible thing, where I lay down and I wake up around 8 hours later. At first, it was somewhat amusing, but int he last month it’s been getting more frequent, and I don’t enjoy it.

My mood has also been fluctuating, bringing me so low, that I was wondering if I was beginning to worry I was depressed. My apartment insnt as clean as I would like it to be, and I feel more anxious and tired than usual. I was a bit confused as to why this was until, Ding Ding, I’m probably anemic. Despite being a Vegetarian, I never really suffered from Anemia back home in Britain, but since coming to Japan my diet has consisted of Combini bought bread and various rice foods, topped off with a store bought snack, and the occasional tofu and kimchi binges.  I think I worried my friends last night while we spoke about it over beer and good food at an Izakaya. I had never seen three people look more serious in my life. I felt bad for worrying them, but at the same time, a little warm inside, knowing that the people around me actually cared about things like my eating habits. Luckily for me, they are all amazing at cooking, and they promised to teach me. With this in mind, I promised to eat better and told myself I would go to the doctors if it got worse.

It did get worse. Just like many times before, I lay down when I got home and fell asleep, only to wake up at 8:15 am. I’m supposed to be in work at 8:15. Now, if I was in my base school, I could have made it there by about 8:45, making me only 15 minutes late (since my shift actually starts at 8:30 am). However, unluckily for me, today I’m placed at my inaka JHS, which takes about an hour on the bus to get to in the mornings. So, slapping on only foundation, I ran for the shop, grabbed another unhealthy bread and rice based meal and hailed a taxi. I arrived at around 9:15, making me only 45 minutes late ( which was good, considering the school is a fair old trek away) and 3,460円 down.

Everyone was overly kind when I arrived to school, making me feel horrid. My JTE’s were wonderful about it, with one of them printing off a list of foods that contained Iron, after I told her what the problem might be. My Kouchou Sensei told me it was alright and not to push myself to hard, while my Kyoto sensei told me not to worry and to put my health first. Hell, even the Taxi driver was kind, giving me a small can of Coffee, which I drank some of, even though I hate it. It was the nicest coffee I’ve ever tasted.

While this even was horrid and I feel so unprofessional and just plain terrible for letting myself do something so stupid, I feel it needed to happen. I think I needed this wake up call to help me realize that I don’t take care of myself enough and that I need to start taking things like health and work more seriously.

That being said, I really hope this never happens again.

P.s If anyone is interested in knowing some Japanese foods with loads of Iron, comment down below and maybe I will make a post with a few of the more common foods!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!