Epiphany

Epiphany.
While looking through http://shichijyuuni.com ‘s amazing blog, I found myself wondering why my life wasn’t as exciting as hers. Why wasn’t I as stylish? why couldn’t I keep up my blog so efficiently? With all these questions and more, I read on, jealous. I realised In that moment, that I do this a lot. I look at pictures and read stories of other peoples lives and wonder why my life isn’t as fun filled and romance riddled. I kept wondering what the hell was wrong with my life.
Then it hit me. I’ts me.
I’m what’s wrong with my life.
And no, I don’t mean this in a, ‘Oh gosh, I suck, my life sucks’ kind of way, I just mean that I stand in my own way. There is only one person who can give you the life you want and that’s you. I think I’d forgotten this somewhere along the way. Perhaps it was last year, when I took a bit of a tumble and must have dropped it somewhere. Maybe I just never bothered looking for it again.
I over analyze everything and make things so complicated in my head that I make myself dizzy.
I tell myself over and over again that I’m an underachiever, that I can’t do anything and I will never be as good as (Insert name here). So I scare myself out of doing things I want to, out of trying hard for things I really want. ย It’s idiotic really.
I used to study hard and show dedication for things I loved, but in recently years I’ve forgotten how. ย I really want to learn again.
These last six months of living in Japan have really stripped me bare, and have revealed the worst parts of myself to me, and while I don’t enjoy seeing these parts of myself, I think it is ultimately a good thing. As Albert Einstein once said ‘Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.’ and I believe this to be true.

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5 thoughts on “Epiphany

  1. Great post, thank you for sharing your insight! I think we have to be so self aware of all of the negatives and positives about ourselves before we can begin to rebuild. A sort of boot camp for our own identity.

    • Thank you! Yes, I really do agree. It’s not easy, admitting all the terrible things about yourself without them weighing you down. I really want to reach a place where I am happy with who I am ( more or less, no one is perfect) so I’m going to work hard!

  2. I just finished thinking quite a bit about this ‘why is everyone else’s Japan more fantastic than mine’ question, and writing up a potential solution. I’m not sure it applies to you, so instead I wish you luck finding your way to a happier time here.

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